Thursday, September 10, 2020

Life lessons in romance

Couple hugging in Blue Mountains

Y'all need to take this in the vein it is intended. Some lighthearted fun because good golly, I had such a laugh when I came across this, and I felt like I needed to share it. I mean, you're here because you read romance, and let's face it, there are endless romance tropes out there. But what happens when you turn those romance tropes into life lessons, and you run headlong into them or try to stay away from them? Hilarity ensues. I'll do my best to pair these with books that fit, but a small caveat, I haven't read all these books, so I don't know if they are any good or if they are an exact match.

Life lesson number One

Quotes:"Don't be an Earth woman. All the aliens need to fuck you."

Alien Mate by Cara Bristol Darak by Cara Bristol Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon

Y'all, I can't even begin to tell you how true this is, especially with all those alien abduction romances. For some reason, these aliens seem to run out women left and right, and Earth is the only place left where they can find women who are miraculously compatible with them and can continue their species.

“Oh shit. Hey Rarq! I killed another female with too much dicks! You got any spares?”
“No! You ass. Get your own. Only five left on the planet and you kill another?!”
He pulls on his pants.
“I’ll be back in a month. Going to do a run on that Earth planet. They all looked hot last time we visited.”

Life lesson number Two

Quotes:"Don't be an adult virgin or someone will kidnap you and auction you off to a billionaire."

Buying The Virgin by Paige North Buying Her V-Card by Jamie Knight The Billionaire's Conquest by Nicole Casey

I don't know about you ladies, but I don't have any clue where to even begin to find an auction for adult virgins. If I had known about those and the fact that I could make a million dollars on my virginity, the current adult me would seriously consider it.

Life lesson number Three

Quotes:"If you fall in love as a teenager, your first love will be the best sex you ever have, and all your relationships and sexy times will be mediocre until he returns ten years later after having fucked half the country, but now he's going to win you back, and your orgasms finally return!"

It's Not Home Without You by C Lymari Hold On To Hope by AL Jackson Interference by Harlow Cole

Second chance romances? Not my thing. Who knows why the love of your teenage life ran off and returns ten years later? I think the life lesson here might be to move on and take charge of your orgasms. Why would you want a douche canoe who's banged half the country only to come back to you because you're still the best he's ever had after trying for ten years to forget you?

Life lesson number Four

Quotes:"If you're a bluestocking governess or companion, some snobby asshat duke is going to want to bang you real bad."

Earl Of Sin by Tammy Andresen The Forbidden Duke by Darcy Burke The Governess Was Wanton by Julia Kelly

I'm trying not discriminate, so I'm including a historical romance. To be fair, the governess or nanny trope with the rich duke or employer is one of my favorites. I read so many of these back in the day when I was still reading a lot of historical romances. Invariably, she's supposedly plain looking, but the duke finds her irresistible and beautiful beyond compare. Hanky panky ensues, and he defies social convention and family dictates to take her as his wife.

Life lesson number Five

Quotes:"If you need to take shelter in a remote cabin in the woods, some heavily muscled mountain man lives there, and he's lonely, horny, and probably running from the law."

Mountain Man by Sherilee Gray Cabin Fever by Rye Hart Mountain Daddy by Celia Crown

Y'all, I do love me a good mountain man romance. I'm reading one now. I love those grumpy, solitary bastards. There's something about a gruff mountain man hiding from the world who can't help but be drawn to his damsel in distress in his mountain cabin. He's still a grumpy, solitary bastard, but now he's got you as a fuck buddy, and you turn out to be the love of his life. The two of you live happily ever after in your solitary mountain cabin, raising little mountain babies.

Life lesson number Six

Quotes:"All the best Doms are either billionaire businessmen or in the mafia."

A Billionaire Dom by MS Parker The Dom's Virgin by Penelope Bloom Deliverance by Jane Henry

Now this one is just one giant fallacy. They are not hot. They are not billionaires. They could be in the mafia; I'll never know about that one. But seriously, I've met a few Doms in my life. They are not like that. Well, to be fair, real-life men are nothing like romance heroes 99% of the time.

Life lesson number Seven

Quotes:"If you’re down on your luck, dead-end job, and need every penny to pay for your sick sibling’s medical bills, the local billionaire will offer you a ridiculous sum to be his fake fiancee to make his dying grandma happy."

The Billionaire's Fake Fiancee by Annika Martin The Billionaire's Fake Wife by L Steele Her Best Friend Fake Fiance by Kimberly Krey

Because apparently, there are local billionaires dropping out of skyscrapers in every city and shock of shocks, they seem incapable to find themselves a real girlfriend, so they need a fake one. C'mon...

Life lesson number Eight

Quotes:"If you go to a masquerade party, you're going to end up banging someone you really shouldn't, and it's going to be fucking awesome!"

Ella's Enchanted Evening by DIzzy Hooper Mafia Daddy by Jane Henry Charming by Sophie Brooks

And he turns out to be a billionaire, you find out you're pregnant with his child, but you do not know who he is, so you don't know how to find or contact him to tell him he's going to be a father. You work a dead-end job until suddenly he finds you cleaning his office, and he's been trying to find you for the last six months and has been able to think of anyone but you. For those of you who love the Cinderella trope, this one's for you.

Life lesson number Nine

Quotes:"You’re the only daughter of the MC President and, of course, have at least four gigantic brothers and have caught the eye of one of the club members, who, of course, is an undercover federal agent."

Craving Constellations by Nicole Jacquelyn Good Gone Bad by Giana Darling Uncover Me by Chelle Bliss

It's always the undercover federal agent, isn't it? Because he's sweet and caring and protective and nothing like the asshole motorcycle club members you are surrounded by, and he's going to take you away from this horrible life. If only your daddy isn't going to kill him first.

Life lesson number Ten

Quotes:"You’ve inherited a run-down old house in some backwoods small town from a dead relative you barely knew, but you were always were their favorite, and you invariably fall in love with the guy you hire to help you fix up the house."

House of Dreams by Christine Gardner Wolf Fur Hire by TS Joyce Midnight Valentine by JT Geissinger

I've read a few of these romances too. The local handyman is a hunk, and at first, you can't stand each other, but you need him to help you fix the house. Then you see a side of him he rarely shows anyone, and you fall in love. Suddenly, the idea of selling the house and going back to the big city no longer appeals, and you decide to stay in the small town forever to be with him. All these books are recommendations, but I've checked the blurbs for all of them. I'm pointing this out because I read Wolf Fur Hire after reading the blurb and fell in love with the story and the characters. It's a fantastic book, so if you don't try any of the books mentioned here, try this one. It was a five-star read for me.

Girl covering face with book

There are more where these came from, but I think I'll stop at ten. These are so fun and just about every romance trope I've read over the years. I tease and make fun, but I do love them all. They are fun, romantic escapism, and great to read.

Can you think of any other life lessons from romances you've read? Share a few.

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  1. Deanna, I sniggered my way through this whole post. Brilliant! And now I’m going to fins Wolf Fur Hire. 😍 - EJ